The last day of May
undoubtedly
a Woman.
Her luscious curves
stroked
by the first mowing.
Her hair
moist
with hydrangea perfume.
Her lips
howling with desire,
as she rounds third
into the sweet
face
of
home.
Kelly Salasin, May 31, 2011
my familiar
Weddings and funerals bring me back to my familiar. The Mid-Atlantic. The home of my people.
I sit in the quiet church where my best friends were both married, and watch as new faces replace us. A generation of nieces and nephews come of age, gathering to say goodbye to their grandma, the mother of my dear friend, Lou.
I feel the wheel turning, and notice an elder woman sitting in a pew off to the side. Will that be one of us some day?
I like funerals. I like the ritual of tending the passing of a loved one. And even though I’m not a Catholic, my days in parochial schools make the swinging of the thurible above the coffin a warm familiar, as I take in the smell of incense.
The deceased apparently liked funerals too. Once she lost her faculties. “We had to stop taking Mom to funerals,” Lou tells me. “She thought they were parties.”
I gulp, wondering about my own affinity. Despite the loss, I am filled with joy to see so many dearly familiar faces from my past; since grief is something I don’t typically share in public.
It’s hard to imagine a world without Mrs. O, and so I don’t. I keep her here, in my heart, welcoming me into her home –from 14 to 47 and beyond.
I have to admit that I am a little disappointed to find that I wasn’t the only one who was so warmly received. Apparently Mrs. O. was a second Mom to many more than me.
“She forgot how to do everything,” my friend says “How to get to get dressed; how to eat. But every time she saw me, she told me that I was perfect.
She forget how to do everything… except how to love.”
What a legacy. To loose everything, but your ability to love.
My eyes turn from the altar to the pews where the grandchildren weep with loss.
What a testimony of her love, and of the family she nurtured.
I’ve watched this family love for over 30 years–through their guilt and worry and attachment–never failing to be in awe of their undying devotion.
My friend is the most devoted daughter, sister and mother that I know; and even on this day of burying her mother, she tends to the grief of others. She remains strong. She returns to her kindergarteners the next morning.
I have been infinitely blessed by this friendship.
When her brother steps up to the altar to read the intercessions, I am delighted by how fully Italian he is, and then tickled when his thick New York accent delivers an Irish poem,
May the road rise to meet ya. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, May the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand.
My hometown holds me in the palm of its hand this weekend. I drive by the ocean and the marsh and the homes where my family once lived. I soak up time with my sister and her children. I sit beside my father and let his leg brush mine. I hug my stepmother, pet my canine step-sister. This is enough, I think. (Once I needed so much more.)
I gobble up boardwalk pizza and Italian hoagies. I sniff the salt air. I visit with my in-laws. I unearth memories. I sense the absence of my mother like a shard of glass through my heart.
I look up at the beautiful stain glass art of the Gospel and wonder why they don’t make the floors more captivating. How are we to keep our heads bowed when there is so much color above?
I notice that a nun in street clothes has replaced the altar boys beside the priest. I wonder if this is due to school (it’s a weekday) or scandal? As the elderly priest raises the Communion above his head, there is an almost imperceptible shutter at the presence of a woman on the stage which has long belonged to men.
I notice how much of the language of these familiar rites, excludes: “Those who believe…” and “He who follows in the name of the Lord...” and “We of the faith…”
I make a mental note to be sure my own funeral is inclusive, even of those who feel it necessary to separate. I realize that this will be tricky.
When it comes time to stand up for the bread and the wine, the separation is clearer. Those who remain in the pews have either missed confession–or worse–don’t belong. Even the name-tagged attendants from the funeral parlor bow their heads for the Body of Christ, making me wonder if “Catholicism” is a requirement of the job.
25 years ago, when I sat through the weekly Masses at Wildwood Catholic, I could hardly bear the length of it; but approaching 50, I know what a gift it is to sit and ponder.
And so, I take in the Homily, word for word, while opening myself up to all that is connected. Father talks of the inability of the disciples to recognize Jesus after He is risen. He contrasts their limited view with that of the women who were the first to speak of the Resurrection. (Outside, a car horn punctuates the gift of feminine receptivity.)
He reminds us that we must embrace suffering, just as Mary stood at the foot of her son’s cross. (And the church bells ring, marking the top of the hour–and the gift of this mother’s devotion.)
“This was the inspiration for Geri’s life,” the priest says, and I have no doubt it is true of Mrs. O.
My own loss is comforted when we are prompted to come to our knees on the familiar cushioned benches beneath each pew. For awhile I thought perhaps the Catholics had given up on the kneeling which once accompanied the standing and the sitting and the standing again.
I notice that the nun is the one who models what it is we are supposed to do–when we are to stand, to bow our heads, to kneel down. (Once this next generations passes, I wonder who will be left to guide us.)
I decide to have recycling at my own funeral, and even compost. I make a mental note to request potted plants so that there will be less waste. The lillies wrapped in pink foil at the foot of the altar are beautiful.
These reveries are disrupted when the priest tells us that it is time to “take our leave” of Geri.
I don’t know how Lou will do it. I don’t know how we got to be the grownups–burying our parents–whose lives in ours we once took for granted.
We proceed out of the church silent.
I watch my friend walk ahead, alongside her father, toward the limo at the head of the funeral procession, slipping her hand inside his.
Tears slide down my face, as I walk toward my own car with the Green Mountain tags and head “home.”
Kelly Salasin, May 2011
Travel Tips from Facebook (FB) Friends
I’m not sure what this travel piece is doing on my Vermont blog, except that it’s so000000 good to get outta here every now and then–especially after 5 months of the white stuff!
Every Vermonter has the fantasy of escaping at least part of winter–or better yet–to take off during that dreadful time of year that we don’t mention in travel brochures: MUD season!
So why am I so anxious about leaving smack in the middle of it? I guess I’m STUCK. It’s been 2 decades since I settled into these Green Mountains, and even longer since I traveled abroad.
I used to be a rolling stone… an Army brat who attended at a half-dozen different schools in as many states… and then backpacked through Europe 3 times before setting some roots.
Which is why despite the fact that they put their early SPRINGS in my face, I appreciate my Facebook friends. In the past few weeks, they’ve shared their best travel tips, helping thaw my “cold feet” when it comes to finally leaving this place I call home.
Facebook Friends Travel Tips
MONEY. How do you bring it, spend it, keep it safe?
FB Replies: 7
ATM machines then keep cash close to your body.
Careful at ATMs. If a machine doesn’t work and someone offers to help you.
Check bank and credit cards for the rate they charge for using them abroad – use the one that has the best rate.
ATM’s totally. It’s all I use. Also – I always have at least two cards, just in case something goes wrong with one of them
Don’t use your debit card as a debit card – only a credit card. Know your PIN for your credit cards so you can get cash. And yes, bring 2 for sure.
Wear a money belt
Let your credit card companies where you’ll be traveling so that they expect charges from there. Sometimes they refuse charges if you are not a frequent traveler!
What do I wear on an overnight flight so that so that I don’t arrive feeling wilted?
FB Replies: 12
Black yoga pant & tunic-type top–like one of the nice kurtas from Dragonfly. Or leggings and short dress…..comfy if you can. Also, you will get your luggage before you see your hosts (go through customs, etc.), so you can freshen up, change, etc. in the bathroom.
I ALWAYS wear stretchy pants on the plane
Take Ambien.
Do not take Ambien.
I knew she would say that.
Wear support socks so you feet and legs don’t swell- bring toothbrush, hair product and light make-up on the plane.
Jammies, of course!
Lavender oil.
You are over thinking this… You are a traveler, you know how to travel! You have a personal style that’s carried you through thus far, rock that & they’ll love you, almost, just as much as I/we do…
White no wrinkle shirt–white always makes people look fresh and perky (honest!) so the black pants and white top, maybe a scarf and you look professional, refreshed and good to go!
You can freshen up in the rest room before going to luggage claim.
In Japan they actually had full shower rigs and lockers for a fee.
We flew to Hawaii once and before we landed they gave us hot towel/face cloths. Felt great!
Must haves for the flight?
Facebook replies: 15
I like to carry a pareo/sarong in my carry on bag. Works great as a blanket or pillow or throw it on as a shawl, also can become a makeshift bag if needed, you’ll find many uses. It’s a nice lightweight addition to my carry on.
Wear your biggest shoes.
Charcoal capsules.
Make a small 1st aid kit…. including benedryl, advil, bandaids etc
book notebook pen pencil sedoku camera socks pashmina
bandaid earplugs eye mask hand cream trashy magazine almonds gum mints advil cough drop lip balm chocolate
Take your sister!
fruit, or what ever you plan on eating that day, no yogurt or jams, phone, it’s charger, only take jewerly you are wearing, empty water bottle/canteen…
I always wear a scarf on the plane — if someone near me even hints of sneezing/coughing/sniffling, I wrap the scarf around my nose/mouth….
Do you have a neck pillow? I have an extra — makes a huge difference for sleeping on the long flight
your fav herbal tea bags
This is the best list.. love the scarf idea…i’m taking notes..
What is a pareo or a pashima?
I do the large scarf idea, too. Also, peppermint gum for any ear-popping or turbulence upset.
Some Elderberry tincture. One for the way there and one for the way back
Anything that may be needed just in case the checked baggage does not arrive in a timely manner
Check it or carry it on?
FB replies: 4
Be careful of the weight on that roomy suitcase. Going over the weight limit can cost you big. Make sure you keep your valuables with you. I usually carry my backpack with laptop and purse inside and then have my camera bag for my camera equipment, if I am taking it. Though I think they allow a camera bag as a third bag.
Emotional baggage limited to two checked pieces and one carry on…… So on second thought bring as little as possible!
Bring as little as possible, and pack an extra, stuffable duffle for the way home. Or bring stuff that you are happy to leave along the way in order to make space for what you collect. I also suggest having as little carry on as possible, particularly if traveling solo–it makes airport wandering and visits to the loo MUCH easier! Bon Voyage!
Beware: They now charge for carry ons unless they fit under the seat infront of you
Do you carry or check your toiletries? Any other toiletry tips?
FB replies: 16
How long is your flight/layovers? I carry what I may need in case of delay, like toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, lotion, lip balm, and an all in one shampoo-conditioner. Also will the 3 ounce size you are allowed to carry on be enough for your trip?
How long is your flight/layovers? I carry what I may need in case of delay, like toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, lotion, lip balm, and an all in one shampoo-conditioner. Also will the 3 ounce size you are allowed to carry on be enough for your trip?
check ’em! 3 oz is not much! I pack them in freezer ziplock bags. Easy to see what’s what and protects against spillage…Did you ever check out Rick Steve’s site? He’s the ultimate traveler.
Ricksteves.com
You have to check any liquids/gels, so you’ll probably have to check your toiletries. sometimes i carry on a toothbrush sans toothpaste. but it’s really easier to check liquids/gels than make sure they’re small enough and in a clear plastic bag and you have to take it out as you go through security…big pain in ass.
CHECK them, different airports (believe it or not) allow different items, it’ll be a bummer to loose your coveted cleaning gear to tsa… Yes on toiletries bag, soo many nice ones out there these days…
Take the 3 oz items lotion, tp & put em in a sandwich baggie…
Think about what you might like to have on you in case of excess layover, or (the unspeakable) lost luggage…
Heck your ‘toiletries’ bag. You’ll need more than 3oz for you entire trip, the kind of shopping you want to be doing is for fun, not hairproducts, trust me & think of me, lol, while shooping for fun! Carry on in sandwich bag some toothpaste & lotion. Chances are your luggage will NOT get lost, that is not what you are manifesting.
If you’re checking luggage, check your toiletries, except for toothpaste etc. I travel for 2 weeks at a time, use only carry on, and shampoo etc is enough. If not, you can always buy some there. I check gel all the time, no issue.
I meant, as long as ligquids are 3.4 oz or less, you can take gel etc. I’ve never had any toiletry items removed as in the correct amount.
http://www.tsa.gov/311/index.shtm
TSA link with specifics and link to international rules. It is 3.4 oz.
Also, hotels usually provide shampoo etc. so I either alternate using mine with the hotel, or use mine until it runs out and then use the hotel. I hate checking bags….
my mom’s toiletry bag just split this morning while visiting and the little shampoo bottle inside was leaking too. get a “travel/adventure gear” option from sams instead of a drug store version. more rugged. on the other hand, i spent 5 months washing my hair with the free liquid soap now available in every public bathroom in the world and that works just fine.
What are your favorite wardrobe items when traveling?
FB Replies: 7
It’s very simple – I pack for one week and expect to do laundry once. Also, clothes from Title IX — pack small, versatile, can dress up and down.
Black tunic that can be worn as dress or top! comfy clothes for getting into at end of day!
too hard to transfer 1 closet to the next, gotta see that wardrobe in person….pack for 7 days, “casual chic”… leggings and dresses, 2 scarves (see , I can only relate it to mine)
happy to come over when you think you’re packed and be rut…hless for you.
Black pants colorful tops that you can dress up or down with accessories you will be good with that
Black skirt from Sam’s, some natural fabric or other. You can wash in sink and it dries overnight.
Don’t forget some kind of cover. no matter what the climate it can get chilly!!!
Comfortable shoes!!!! Most important item!
I carry earrings in one of those snap open vitamin holders…. they don’t get tangled and can sort by color….
Roll your clothes; stuff underwear and socks in shoes; base layer in solid color can match many different tops;
Lots of high heels. You never know when you’ll get to go someplace FABULOUS.
~
Have some travel wisdom that was missing above or did you see something that you never thought of before? Let us know in the comment section below!
Kelly Salasin & Facebook Friends, March 2011
Marlboro Town Meeting ’11 Highlights
“…the dead like to be played upon…”
Marlboro resident at Town Meeting on the issue of children in the cemetery
If you missed town meeting this year or you’re just curious about what goes on at this community tradition, VPR (Vermont Public Radio) runs a live feed of tweets from the meetings around the state.
Below are the highlights from Marlboro as copied from my Twitter/Facebook feed:
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Vermont Public Radio: @kellysalasin is Tweeting Town Meeting from Marlboro
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Jean Boardman’s Creme de Cacoa Chocolate Cake from the Whetstone Inn continues to be highlight of Marlboro Town Meeting Day Potluck
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15 yr old skipped Town Meeting for the first time this year; but couldn’t resist inquiring around any heated topics. “Tag in the Cemetery” was by far my favorite this year; but in no way surpasses the protracted conversation around dogs or flags or school breakfast in previous years.
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A rare, before lunch, conclusion to Town Meeting in Marlboro today with ample gathering under the sun out front for socializing…
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Respectful behavior in the cemetery is an extended topic at the end of the morning here at Town Meeting in Marlboro. “The dead like to be played upon,” says resident Richard Dror, about the children who like to play there.
Vintage aerial view of the Town of Marlboro, VT - other things you can do during Town Meeting Day: vote, knit, tweet, text, Sudoko, pay your neighbor for eggs, pay your other neighbor for solar panels, ogle over new babies, see old friends, witness leadership from youth, appreciate wisdom from elders, see new faces…
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Speaking of carbon release, Marlborian Jonathan Morse says, “if we’re going to have a planet to have health care on…have to advocate for alternative transportation…”
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Milo MacArthur, youngest town member in attendance today.
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Rep. Marek reports that President Obama shared his support of VT’s single payer health care initiative with Governor Shumlin at yesterday’s governors meeting in DC.
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Rep. Marek says that he gets more calls on cell phone coverage than any other issue.
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“We do appreciate hearing about bad spots, and mud holes, and…” Marlboro Road Crew Foreman, Dave Elliot. “We will get to all of them… at least by the end of August :)”
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Road crew foreman Dave Elliott addressing the question, “What’s new?” at Marlboro’s Town Meeting. “Bridge grant,” is the answer.
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“We all rely on each other,” said more than once, on the subject of contributing to keeping the town recycling center clear of debris.
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Mid-morning is when Town Meeting becomes more of a “family meeting” highlighting the rich characterS & community LEADERS of Marlboro.
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Marlboro~a handful of seats still open in Town House for today’s Town Meeting; school budget already passed; town budget underway; then lunch & Jean Boardman’s cake (if we’re lucky)
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Marlboro Selectperson Gail MacArthur receives STANDING applause for her 9 years of service; and LAUGHTER when she says that she enjoyed every minute of it.
- only controversy so far in Marlboro is 2 NOT allow School Board & Select Board 2 reduce their compensation from $1,000 to $100.
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Town Meeting Day Vermont :: ’11
Moderator Steven John, who is also the district school superintendent, 2010 (Marcia Hamilton) - Marlboro Town Meeting Moderator is also School Superintendent;Comes in handy when ppl have ques. about other budgets in district
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Any resistance felt about attending this year’s meeting swiftly melts away as I take my seat in the Town House among my fellow Marlborians on this–the 250th year as a town.
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This VT Life~a year in review
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010~
This Vermont Life was viewed about 3,400 times in 2010. There were 73 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 105 posts.
The busiest day of the year was March 3rd with 112 views. The most popular post that day was Tweeting Town Meeting.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, kellysalasin.wordpress.com, marlboro.vt.us, ebogie.blogspot.com, and vtrural.org.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for the lupin lady, faye hollander, mrs rumphius, making a living in vermont, and tom cruise tropic thunder.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
1
Tweeting Town Meeting March 2010
8 comments
2
The Flower Lady May 2010
2 comments
3
Highlights of the Community Meeting, Part II April 2010
2 comments
4
The Power of Community March 2010
1 comment
5
About this Life October 2009
This Vermont Life 