Category: Voices

The New York Times in Brattleboro

The New York Times in Brattleboro

by Kelly (of rituals) ♥ 2 Comments

A reporter for the New York Times has been in Brattleboro for the past two days interviewing townspeople about you know what. Our murders.

Murders happen everywhere, but what’s different about ours is the response.

While we can’t change what happened in the Co-op, we are responsible for how we respond; and I know that many like me are moved by how much grief and compassion has been expressed.

In my mind, this vulnerability defines the strength of this community. We aren’t perfect, but neither are we numb or blind. We feel. We hurt. We question. We respond.

Sabine Rhyne, the Shareholder and Community Relations Manager at the Co-op, had this to share about our community’s response:

“I wish you had been by my side on Thursday morning when we opened. First, there were a small group of people milling around outside, regulars, who wanted to be there as soon as the doors opened. Then, two long-time co-op shareholders walked in, carrying a large box full of vases of flowers from their garden to set on each checkout counter. Then, a delivery of bagels and cream cheese from our friends at the vitamin company across town arrived for the staff. And bit by bit, the store filled with people and flowers and cards, many folks touching and hugging, almost all smiling and tearing up simultaneously.“

After the initial news frenzy, there hasn’t been much in the coverage about the Co-op tragedy; but beginning last night, at the two-week mark, I noticed new headlines–this time with a community focus:

“Co-op copes with shooting aftermath”‎

“Co-ops across the country send support to Brattleboro”

“Vt. co-op receives support after fatal shooting”

When the New York Times reporter asked me how we would rid ourselves of this tragedy, I replied that we couldn’t; that it had become part of who we are; part of our history.

When she asked how we would move on, I said that I didn’t know; but that I trusted that with the abundant heart and creativity and compassion of this community, we would find our way, one step at a time.

When she asked what I felt most strongly about–whether it was that someone I knew committed such a crime–or that it happened at the Co-op, I said that it was both of those things in the beginning; but now my attention has shifted to the community–how we respond, how we support the Co-op staff, and how we compost such a horrid act.

Kelly Salasin, August 24, 2011

For more on the Co-op Tragedy, click here.

Blame and Hindsight to the Rescue!

Blame and Hindsight to the Rescue!

by Kelly (of rituals) ♥ 2 Comments

When something as terrible as a murder occurs in a place that we least expect it, it’s no wonder that fear and vulnerability and anguish lead us to blame.

We are human after all, even in Brattleboro.

This tragedy does call into question so many things, that indeed should be questioned:

Why did we grieve the second murder but not the first?

How can we claim to have such a strong community when we kill each other?

What could we have done to make a difference?

What could the Co-op have done?

I felt compelled to write about this tragedy when I discovered that someone I knew had been taken into custody.  I continued to write each day after, trying to make sense of how this happened. As the days passed, the comments grew, and it is the readers who grapple with this question; and I watch, ever so slowly, as grace and grief are replaced with blame. It is my teenage son who labels it so.

“Did you ever see the South Park episode when a house is burning down and the community stands around asking what happened?” he said. “The kids tug on the parents, saying–Shouldn’t we help?  But the parents answer–No, the important thing is to find out who is to blame.”

I think it’s good to tell each other who we blame, for no other reason than to let it drain from our minds so that we are better prepared to help.  But our blame must be conscious in order to be healing, otherwise we will dwell in it at the expense of actually doing something to make things better.

Hindsight makes it easy to blame as is evidenced by the subtext of the readers’ comments I see:

If only Michael Martin had never been hired.

If only Richard Gagnon had been fired a long time ago.

If only the Co-op had done something to mediate sooner.

It is only natural that we want to find someway to escape this pain, and blame is a strong distraction.

Captain Hindsight, South Park

“Captain Hindsight always appears just in time,” my son says, recounting another South Park episode. “He’s the Super Hero who tells people what they did wrong and how they could have avoided it. This makes people feel better even though it doesn’t change anything.”

But the truth is that there is no escaping grief if you intend to heal; and if you don’t, you add more suffering to the world.

Kelly Salasin, August 20, 2011

Norway & Brattleboro

Norway & Brattleboro

by Kelly (of rituals) ♥ 2 Comments
(open clip art)

I don’t typically follow sensational news stories. For starters, I don’t have television. And news journals are too hefty for me–both in size and content.

I enjoy the local paper now and then, especially for the classifieds and the obituaries, but my entire day can be thrown by one sad extraneous story from across the country. I’m hard-wired that way.

Occasionally, there’s no avoiding the news–either because it’s posted all over Facebook–as with the Kasey Anthony saga, or it is so compelling that I can’t ignore it–like the massacre at the youth camp this summer in Norway.

I’ve continued following that story because I know that Norway treats its criminals with greater dignity than others societies; and I suspect that this gross violation of humanity will challenge that distinction.  I hope it doesn’t.

I’ve never been in favor of the death penalty, and never wished death on anyone until the summer when a cousin’s young friend was raped. I remember thinking that it was a good thing that I was not the officer who pulled over the car and found the missing nine-year old girl stuffed under the rapist’s back seat.

I would have strangled that man on the spot; And this realization made me more grateful than ever for our judicial system–in that it doesn’t allow people like me free range with grief.

After the atrocity in Norway, I was heartened to see a quote shared on Twitter by 18 year old, Helle Gannestead, who had been among those attacked at the youth camp:

“When one man can cause so much harm – think how much love we can create together.”

I find the same spirit alive in Brattleboro. Despite the pain that Richard Gagnon’s act has inflicted on so many, the response of this community has been one of true beauty. Though no beauty can replace life that is stolen or take away the heartbreak of those most intimate with the loss, there is hope that something good can come of that which hurts us.

Though I can’t explain it, I’ve always had a heart for those labeled “criminal.” Perhaps this is due to my early steeping in the tender teachings of Jesus, or that as the oldest of eight and later an elementary teacher, I could see that even the most hardened criminal was at one time an innocent child.

There is a quote that I know to be true even though the truth of it confounds me in the face of such horrific acts as rape and murder:

“The real measure of a society is how it treats its prisoners.”

This truth runs tandem with that which I also know to be true–that we cannot separate ourselves from our problems; that there is no way to simply get “rid” of them:  The toxic chemicals that we dispose of leach into our water and air. The children that we abandon in cities grow up to hate us. The elders that we dispose of in institutions become ourselves.  The hurt that we stuff inside one day acts out.

Though we cannot change what Richard did, we are responsible for how we respond–in our community and in ourselves.  Like Norway, I think Brattleboro is up for the challenge.

“The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever;
but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter;
and in these, the spirit blooms.” Santayana

~

Kelly Salasin, August 18, 2011

For more on the BFC tragedy, click here.

For more on Norway, watch below:

Which Wolf?

Which Wolf?

by Kelly (of rituals) ♥ 15 Comments

Yesterday I wrote about justice, wondering what restitution looks like for murder. Today, I’m pondering what restitution we each owe in response to this tragedy.

One reader asked something that I’d been thinking about ever since I heard the motive behind the Brattleboro Food Co-op killing:

 Where was the open dialogue within the coop to air grievances among the staff?

This same reader asked another question that I think many of us have pondered:

What must have been happening to him cumulatively that created this last straw?

This brought to mind our responsibility to each other and to ourselves–which is illuminated by this well-known Native American tale:

Two Wolves

(open clip art. com)

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’

The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’

~

Kelly Salasin, August 15, 2011

To read more about the BFC Tragedy, click here.